remember when?

When the boys were younger, their dad took on the responsibility of providing insurance for them (he still does). While I bought their vehicles, paid that insurance, enrolled them in their sports activities and paid the fees. Bought most of their clothes and shoes and bicycles and vacations. We split the cost of braces, somewhat. He paid more, but really, what does it matter? Now that they are grown he is covering the bulk of college expenses and for that I am grateful. They should be able to attend school with little to no debt incurred.

Chuck and I sat in a booth at the Broadway Diner one morning last week. In the booth behind us there was a girl talking about the college debt which both she and her, now husband, carry. The conversation was fascinating and absolutely none of my business, but she was talking loudly: ninety thousand dollars of college debt for her and one hundred thirty thousand for her husband!!! Shrinking in my seat I thought of  other kids I have heard of through the grape-vine who had and have taken on enormous college debt, and why? (This is considering just the undergraduate degree and no other variables).

Wednesday morning I'll pick up my packet of paperwork and go talk to my banker. A woman I know and trust. Someone who has known me and my financial situation for years, literally. We both believe in healthy finances for women and she has offered to help. We will look at my earnings, my 401k, my savings. She'll advise me on the wisdom of a house purchase or whether continuing education or travel nursing might benefit me (and in the end, the boys) more. I'm leaning toward the latter but one never knows what one will do until one (me) does it, hm. Like Diane Lane's character, Frances, in "Under the Tuscan Sun", I keep thinking, "I just can't go back there"(metaphorically speaking). When really, "there" is where I am right now (financially speaking).

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell

August. wednesday night.

It has been nice to have the boys back home. To hear their conversations muffled by doors. To have them stand in doorways or sit on the end of my bed and talk.

"So Chuck says that you and he might share a place together this next year." I asked Ray as he sat on the end of my bed while I sat at the head of the bed, cross legged with the laptop and the cats. "No, I don't think so.".."Why not?"..."Because I want to go to college." And he gave me a sidelong glance. What does he know that I don't know? But instead of asking him I prattle on about how 'wonderful that is' and how 'much I wish your brother would go to school'...but that is just the motherness in me, worrying and truthfully, hurt for my oldest child and unable to do anything with that hurt. So instead we talk a bit more before he leaves to work the night shift.