Tuesday, November 9, 2010

this is life! (part deux)

Last night.
 Dylan stood in Kohls choosing shirts for Ray while I picked out jeans. We carried them back into the men's dressing room, yes, I walked right back there as if I belonged because in a sense, I did.  Ray, in his little dressing cubicle,  pulled on the pants (always the more difficult fit) and tried on the shirts to smiles and applause from both Dylan and myself. Then Dylan bent in and suggested that Ray push a sleeve back here or straighten a collar there while I stood back and watched...lovely... As much as I really wanted a daughter, how much I have enjoyed spending time with these sons. 
Today is another completely beautiful fall day, mild and full of sunshine. The cat (Ron Paul) rests on my lap, purring before jumping to the floor to stretch out. The morning was spent leisurely yet with purpose. A trip downtown accomplished much: a stop by the radio station, a cut and style at the Clip Joint then wandering through a small downtown bookshop and buying dollar books for Christmas gifts before heading over to campus and browsing the University bookstore, sitting down to peruse the latest Alice Water's book on sustainable food sources (loved it!) before hiking back downtown to sit on the patio of the Uprise Bakery, visiting with Joy and waiting for  Ray (middle son) to meet me for our new tradition of Tuesday lunch. It was a pleasant lunch and how fortunate I am to be able to have the time and resources to do these things.
There are storefronts downtown where the businesses have recently gone belly up. There were men in these empty shops and storefronts this morning, sweeping and cleaning. I do often wonder how expensive rents are in the downtown area.  My favorite tea shop, at one time on Broadway, is  now defunct and has been replaced twice, but not with tea. No other shop downtown has the tea that Kayotea had. There are no GOOD tea shops downtown and I bemoan this fact incessantly and unceasingly. whine,whine. All the other places sell tea in pre-made 'bags'...blah.
My youngest son told me that he needed Graduation photos and so I have been calling around and the cheapest I have been able to find them is @ 150.00 for the session, no prints. Is there anyone who has any ideas?...gulp(!)..of course, he waits until nearly the last minute to tell me something which I should have been on this past spring. Where on earth has my mind been?
The eighty-five year old woman.
There was an eighty five year old woman who had been recently diagnosed with a recurring type of brain cancer. Typical to this cancer the outcome is, was and always has been, death. The only question was, when. For some people it happened relatively quickly, for others, the process was much more gradual (over a period of years). She was in the Neuro-ICU following her diagnosis and in preparation for what was considered in this league, a 'minor' procedure (as if any 'procedure' is ever minor). I will never forget her. She was healthy, robust and did not in any way, shape or form, appear her stated age. Her hair was dyed a chestnut brown, her face was without stitch or scar (no apparent lifting). She looked at me with wide eyes and asked, "Am I going to die?" How do you respond? She was eighty-five. Had she not ever considered the possibility? Had she not felt the march of time? I stood at her bedside, tinkering with her IV's, re-adjusting the monitor before looking her in the eye and saying, "Not tonight". She smiled and lay back against the pillows. We discussed her disease and disease process. 
The next day, still in my early forties at that time, I made an appointment with a lawyer and drew up a living will and a will. The march of time had not hit me yet, I was still doing stupid things.

now. about those photos....

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