We have opened the windows during the day. Birds can be heard singing outside. The stinky cat, Ron, spends most of his time outdoors, hunting.
The driveway next door is empty. The neighbor boys are gone. It is spring break and we are staying here.
Ray rang the doorbell last night, it was eight thirty, there were still windows open in the house. The day-time temperatures had reached into the 70's. Tuesdays are the days the boys change houses but Dylan is staying at his father's house because he had oral surgery yesterday and his father asked that he stay at his house for a few extra days. "How's Dylan doing?"..."Fine" Ray answered, carrying his computer terminal down the stairs to his room. "He had oral surgery today."..."I know", I answer, standing in the kitchen before deciding to go down the stairs to talk more. "Hey mom, was Chuck over here? Did he pick up a computer cord?"..."No. Not that I know of."..."Oh. I found it."..And he fiddles around with things on his desk, straightening out the cord, hooking up his computer terminal. "Oh mom. You should have seen..." but my mind is wandering, wrapped in a haze of thought..where did my little boy go, how did he grow up so fast?.."and yesterday we went to grafitti park." Then he describes to me where grafitti park is, as I place my cup of tea on the coffee table in his room and sit on his couch, feet propped up on the table. While across the room he is pulling things up on his computer screen, showing me some of the art-work (stencilling and free hand) which he and his friend had done. "Niiice Ray." And then there are pictures, time lapsed photography he has taken of a flower opening. It is in a peat pot sitting in his dad's living room on a chair I had bought at auction when we were married, it is still a nice chair. Then there are other pictures, taken at Christmas this last year. And there they were, his grandparents on his dad's side, his uncle Gary, his dad. And inside of me there is still that broken-ness, that loss, but it is now so far away, barely perceptible. There are things in this life which are so huge that only God can take care of them...Ray got up and opened his window.."I just shut that before you came home, it was open all day to air the room out."..."Thanks mom." he said and sat back down at his desk. I got up, hugged him while he sat, briefly rubbed his back, picked up my cuppa and headed towards the door. "Oh, I went ahead and picked up an application for Mizzou." he tells me. "Wonderful.." I say and nearly skip up the stairs. It was a good night.