weather under

The boys are out of the house tonight. The dryer runs clop, clop. The cat sits at the end of my bed as I peruse small house sites for some reason. Who knows? General fascination. At ten to seven (p.m.) it is dark and the furnace kicks on. The outside temperature is somewhere in the teens. It is warming up (comparatively) but the cold snap continues....the mind wanders...  The question is: could I live in a tiny house? In this weather? The question is: where indeed will I end up living? And what indeed will I end up doing? and furthermore, why, at my age, do I not have ANY ambition?..other than to work less and garden more which I think sounds very nice...(oh yes, and travel--thereby contributing to the greenhouse gases on the planet *sigh*..)

The hospital last night was busy, but not so busy that you could not have a sit down and not so busy that you could not talk. Eric and I sat charting behind the main desk. I started just humming along with conversation, concerned about the cat. Earlier that day there had been a 'psychological' crisis..well.. it was a hormonal something or another related to dropping estrogen levels (I am sure) and the feeling that my head would fly off and so, driving the good twenty plus minutes to work I battled internally with old memories and other demons. and cried.  And fought with..whatever...and cried. 

Matt could see the red-rimmed eyes and forlorn look and somewhere between report and the time of charting and talking he walked over and gave me a quick shoulder rub and pat on the back, "Better?" he said. Yes.

The conversation with Eric was one that was carried throughout the unit the remainder of the night with Eric telling and retelling about how, while sitting at the counter, plugging information into the computer, I just up and said that I was concerned about Ron, the cat, and how sick he had become that day and how there was a fear I had of getting home and finding him dead and having to put him in a paper bag (there were no shoe boxes) and place the cat body, in the bag, out by the compost pile where it would freeze. Eric started laughing. What was so funny? "The way you said it..just..so casual.." (cavalier?) and then he did an imitation and I began laughing and Paula came up and he repeated the story and then told Dani and Stacey and Dee and Matt..enlarging on the story and laughing every time. 

"Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope..." Job 11:17,18