swimming

Nat called last night. Could she and a friend come over to swim? Of course. "What is the pool code?"..um.."You'll have to come up to the house and get the pass, I'll give you the code then.".."Okay"..And so, a little after nine two very pregnant young women stood at the front door, they came into the entryway following me into the kitchen and got the pass. "What are you doing tonight?"..."Some reading and writing."..i.e. reading a tome which is impossible to handle while laying in bed. "Ugh." Natalie said, making a face.

It was after ten when they returned and Natalie asked to use the main floor toilet (pregnancy) while her friend and I stood in the kitchen. "When are you due?".."Two weeks.".."Nice. Do you know what you're having?"..."Yeah. A boy..I mean, a girl. I just cannot wait to get back to normal life" and then she told me the saddest story, there under the kitchen lamps (recessed lighting) she told me how she had been married. They had a child, a little girl and then divorced. He had a better lawyer and so was granted custody. She pays him child support. And now she has a boyfriend and with the boyfriend became pregnant. He is 'not ready' for kids (a child). So she is putting this child up for adoption. A family, in California, will be the adoptive parents. "They are really happy and exited about it (the baby). And she will be in a better situation. They will be able to give to her what I cannot." (Which would be what exactly?) What do you say? What can you say when you are looking at a young women who has gotten herself into an impossible situation. You say something dr. laura-ish. A hollow, "well, you're putting your child's interests above yours." When really, what you want to do is give her a hug, look her in the eyes and in the most motherly way possible let her know that this is a mess. It is beyond a mess. And you feel sorry for her situation. And regardless of the choices made, in the end there would be hurt...but that there is one greater than her hurt who can bind these wounds and heal the heart....

But instead. I stood looking at her. Talking very small talk. Thinking. You will give birth and not get to hold and hug and love on this child.

"The water was warm." It was Natalie stepping into the kitchen. "Good to hear."..."Yeah last year it was so cold." They had filled the pool mid-May and let the water sit in the heat for two weeks prior to opening the pool. "Sorry about having you come up to get the pool pass..." I lamely said. "No. Its okay. I'm glad you did. There was a lady who came to the pool and asked us where we lived and I couldn't think of the number."..The neighborhood association said they were going to crack down on 'illegal' pool use this year. Guess they weren't kidding. Think I'll go take a swim.

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13