Snow everywhere. Cold. No drama. Facebook this morning. Went to Nat's page to wish her happy birthday. She's pregnant? Really? But..I'm only, well nearly, forty-eight. Grandmother before I'm fifty? Really?...But...They are not even twenty and unmarried. Speechless. Speechless. Growing up fast. So much to learn. For them. And then, in the future?
It is not good to look too far ahead. Take the long view in certain things, denial, denial? No pragmatism, in others. Think positive, positive. Like: I'm okay. Moving on. No longer heartbroken. My kids? Fine, fine. And the future? Good, good. And the future?
Ah. It IS good. We are fortunate. Blessed. And we live with the choices we make. When will they tell me? Will they tell me? Is it really true? Or is it a ruse..But no. Did she know when she hugged me Christmas day? Did they know? Too many questions. And..oh, growing up so fast...Always work hard, always save, get educated, educated. But Chuck will, he is sensible, he knows a little now, he will know more later.
"I need to write, to know what I'm thinking"..the late Larry Gelbart.