Thursday, December 31, 2009

december 31st.

Tomorrow is a new year.
Dylan had his braces taken off this past week. His teeth show now, shining and white. He and Ray are at their Dad's house, just as well. Chuck sleeps up in Dylan's bedroom, having come over to help move things from the basement. Richa and Amman walked through earlier, tight smiles. Last night, sitting upstairs, the smell of cigarette smoke coming through the vents. No, I was not on crack, not imagining, it was something I had smelled, had asked about, had ignored. And so, there was a confrontation.

And it ended, oh so badly. Do I feel bad about it now? hmm..It is just that you give a warning, you set a boundary, you make a rule, you state the consequences. The rule is broken, the boundary is crossed. There are times of exceptions or concessions and those were made, but the continuance of the breaking of that rule, the crossing of that boundary and the knowledge of the consequences. Why would anyone break a rule knowing the harshness of the consequences?..I suspect because they want someone else to make a decision for them. It is a "forced" decision, a decision by default. But perhaps in this, I am wrong.

The day otherwise is sunny, the snow is melting away. Star, the cat, sits on the chair, his eyes closed. It is nice to have Chuck under roof again, if only for a short time, if only for an afternoon of sleep in his brother's bedroom.

The new year starts tomorrow and I will see it in. The hospital is full and so tonight there will be work. And tomorrow? Well you know, I'm exited about the New Year, exited to see what it will bring. Ray graduates in June and Dylan will be a senior next year. Of course, there is always the trepidation, the fear for your children. And who knows how the household will change and how we will change...

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