Thursday, November 12, 2009

It Always Changes

Yesterday was beautiful and fighting sleep, wanting to be awake during the sunshine I did something I've been wanting to do for a long time. Take a country drive and look at properties. And so I did. Windows down, radio playing low. Four properties in two hours. South, East and West.

After looking at properties, the drive home was anti-climatic. There was a dullness in the hills, my mind was elsewhere. But it was wonderful to hear Dylan's voice on the phone. "Mom, where are you?". "Just passing Ashland, I'll be home in fifteen minutes". "Well, I'm at school. I'll just walk home." craaaaaap. Yes, I forgot my youngest at school and granted, he is seventeen, but promises made..He was near the new Hy-vee when I got to town. He had walked with a friend who works at Hyvee from school. Dylan is tall and oh-so-thin and his brothers are always telling him that he is anorexic. I see him eat and remember when my younger brother was six five and weighed 160 lbs and looked like a walking stick, before he filled out. But there he was. I gave him a bottle of water and asked him how his day was. "Good." And he too was enjoying the weather and had enjoyed his walk to that point. It was nice to chat. Once home I told him about the properties and he looked at me quizzically.

It always changes doesn't it?
When Ray walked into the kitchen last night and thanked me for making supper. When Chuck came through on his way back out to work. When Alayna and Dylan popped their heads in and said hey on their way upstairs, "I have a plate of cookies waiting for me in my room." Dylan said. This as it is today will change all too quickly, everything does.

Memories can sometimes be so difficult because they are sometimes so painful, bittersweet. Things which are gone never to return again, like childhood or life. But in this I am glad that when they were young I looked ahead and disciplined them and told them how much I loved them and held them as much as possible while they still could be held and told them stories at night and fixed special dinners and read to them, always one on my lap, and dared to take impossible trips through airports to coastal places and islands, or in the car, on the road. There have been mistakes and there will be more.

It is six a.m. now and overhead the water runs. Dylan is taking his shower. Chuck sleeps in his room and I will make coffee for Ray. The day has begun.

"She sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night...She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31: 18 & 25.

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