There are times when, looking at my life, I think, okay, so I'm not so horrid, so I am following Christ, so there is a positive example here. And then, the truth is revealed.
Last night, Mariah had a friend over, the boys were not here, they had gone to their dad's house. I was upstairs, fiddling around, needing to fold laundry, putzing from room to room. Why, why did it bother me that they were on the main floor, watching the only television with full cable, why? They are guests and I, as a host, behaved horribly. Typically I fold laundry in front of the t.v., why not? And they were where I wanted to be, in front of the t.v. This morning I cringe. This morning thinking back over the night, asking two teenage girls to move over because it was MY livingroom and I was going to watch what I wanted to. As it happened, there was nothing I wanted to watch and could have stayed upstairs listening to the radio, folding clothes there. Pettiness invaded and now my heart hurts. What did I do? What sort of an example was I, am I? This morning I will march downstairs and apologize to Mariah, but her friend...? She is gone, the little friend, and me? oh horrid, horrid goose...The problem, was not ever with them, not at all, but was always within me and one can never take back a mistake...or a word said...
Yet this morning, the snow falls heavily outside the bedroom window..it is lovely. The window is large, there is a windowseat below it, and the vista is of tangled tree branches, dark and rooty looking, covered with snow, but I am still horrid.
Matthew 18: 3-5 And (Jesus) said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, and whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."